That Time of the Year

It is happening this weekend!
Unless you live in England...

Thousands will celebrate this. 

But I also remember those who are struggling to conceive. Those who are having to cope w multiple miscarriages. This will be a difficult weekend for them. I know because I was once like them.

The sense of hopelessness, sadness, and a lack of fulfilment. The pain of watching those dear to you get married after you, and are now either pregnant or holding lovely babies in their arms. Your own arms feel so very empty. It was worse for me when I was working as a midwife. I watched women giving newborns away for adoption. I saw women signing forms to consent for abortions... I felt the love and loss of the women as I grieved for their fruits.

It took a while. Finally, I got to a point where I could agree to be present at the birth of one of my best friend's baby. What joy. Three months prior I hated the sight of her. Her distended belly made me feel even more inadequate and I entertained unreasonable thoughts like "You did this just to spite me!"

It was a process. Finally I could say honestly that I was at peace with whatever God had in store for me. I had what I thought were promises of sons before I even got married. But God is sovereign. And I could enjoy going traveling with my husband at the drop of a hat.

It was a triumph! I could laugh at the enemy. I could celebrate, worship and adore God despite my circumstances. Who I was (and am) is defined by HIM and HIM alone! Hallelujah!

And then the Lord opened my womb.

He indeed works in mysterious ways.

While I dont feel the pain of the past, I remember the difficulties. While I no longer shed such tears, I shed them when I pray alongside and for those who do. 

You know who you are - Hannahs with wombs waiting to be filled by Samuels. Praying and standing with you at this time.

Unexpected Trip

It wasn't that long ago that I had made a trip across the South China Sea. I wasn't expecting to make another so soon. 

But conversations via text messages stirred something within me. I felt my first Arrow needed me and so I caught a flight. 

I arrived just in time to hear the results of his blood tests. He had dengue fever and was about to be admitted. Thankfully, the results were borderline high enough to be allowed to go home. 

So I travel back with him to nurse him. 

This was such what I envisaged - that he would not be admitted but that I would nurse him at his apartment. Somehow it felt the right thing to do. 

And so it was. The story continues....

It Finally Happened!

It has finally happened! 

The youngest is actually behind the wheel! 

Oh my oh my! 

Hubby had taught me to drive. He gave Arrow #1 and Arrow #2 their first lessons. It seemed only right that he gave Arrow #3 her first lesson too. Wow. Time flies.

Thankful that the children are growing up well. Continue to pray for them almost daily. May we grow in wisdom, spiritual stature and fear of the Lord.

When Someone Hurts

I find it hardest when someone you care for is going through a difficult time.

The sense of powerlessness is hard to deal with. I am aching and wanting to do something for the person, to alleviate the suffering and pain. My thoughts often go that way, and then hopelessness threatens to overwhelm.

That is when I have to run. Run to my Father God. My Daddy God.

I can tell Him everything. Even when I can't put it into words, He can see into my heart. He knows. He knows better than I know.

The matters of my heart are safe in His hands, in His care. The people I am concerned for are safest when left to Him. The issues I am disturbed about are trivia when I discourse with Him.

He sets things in perspective.

He can turn the tide.

He can calm the anger.

He knows where and when it will begin and end.

He hears.

He understands.

And that is what I am going to do after I sign off here.

A Little Scare

So the results came out a bit weird.

Initial reaction is to ask WHY? How can someone seemingly so fit come out with such skewed results?

Then a mental scramble for answers takes place.

Followed by resolve to find the right answer.

Then only do I recall I have hotline to the One Who is always there.

So I shoot an SOS to the Ancient of Days.

In return, I get peace that passes all understanding.

And so I relax.

And today, that is justified. That is proven correct.

My Arrow IS fit and fine. It was a skewed result, probably because he ingested something prior to the test being done previously.

Lesson learned - shoot SOS out earlier!

Underwater Answered Prayer

Prayer works.

You know that, I know that.

But when your offspring tells you that, it's cool.

Arrow #1 came home late tonight. He was out for surprise birthday party for a friend. It was at the beach and they had repeatedly thrown the friend into the sea. Of course they had taken her handphone away first to make sure it wasnt spoilt by the sea water. After she came out of the water, they then threw flour and eggs at her. Yes, that sort of party. After she got cleaned up, they let her be for a while and then , yes, they threw more flour and eggs at her.

All in all, a fun time....

Until they had to go home.

That's when they discovered the birthday girl's car keys missing.

Yes, it was probably in the water.

Can you imagine trying to find that a few hours later?

Well, try they did. They had no choice. So everyone panned out and searched. And searched.

Arrow #1 was obviously in the search party. A nice evening would have ended on a low if the key wasnt found.

After some time, he decided to pray. He stood at one spot for some time and prayer. He felt and searched the sand below him with his feet. Then he felt with his hands. He went through the sand a few times, sweeping from side to side. Normally, he'd just sweep through once and move to another spot. This time, he stood so long in one place, even another person noticed.

That's when he found it.

Yes, prayer works. He came home to testify.

Praise God

Something

There is something about going for a prayer meeting with your own child because he/she wants to go.

There is something about being able to hold hands in public with a praying child who is of your own.

There is something about agreeing in prayer with someone praying fervently who is your child.

There is something about knowing that your child is storming the spiritual realm over the same matters that you are.

Whilst humbling,

it also feels good.

The Worst Pain

It's not childbirth, though research seems to indicate so.

It's not suffering from illnesses either.

Toothaches can make you lose sleep, but I don't think it comes close.

Long term pain from backache and such might come close. But only close....

How about the pain of losing someone? Hmm that's pretty close I guess.

No, I have decided.

In my books, the worst pain is seeing someone you love going through something awful and being powerless to do anything about it. Don't you agree?

Thank God I can pray, and that is more than enough. HE is a God Who hears and answers prayer!

Further Studies

Both my foster son and my second son have done well.

Now to guide them for further studies.

For the one, it would be to encourage him to get his applications going - and soon.

For the other, it would be to fine tune whether or not to accept the offer given, or to seek other places.

In some ways, good results make it easier .... and harder. Choices are more, and therefore seeking God is all the more important.

Which is what I told him. Now to pray.